Sunday, July 02, 2006

Teenage Boy

Well, yesterday afternoon, I got ready to go to the pool. But no, not any pool... the pool by my friend becca's house (lives 30 minutes away, her name is really Rebecca.) I was really excited for several reasons: I got to see some of my favorite friends, all girls, I got to meet one of their friends, Chrissy, who sounded very nice, and most of all, I got to see Sara, my biggest crush ever. Sure sure, its just a crush... but not this girl. She's so different than most girls. I wont lie, most girls my age have done things that adults wouldnt like. Some of my friends have had sex, some are on their way there, but not these group of girls. The worst they have done is maybe, and not even all of them, making out. I'm just like them. No one tells me really what to do, its just my own morals (one way im different than most guys.) But lets not get into that.

I met Sara December 10 when one of her friends, in the group of girls at this party, Lindsey, asked me to be her date to the Winter Formal dance. She was so beautiful, and it was funny, because she was having trouble picking up her pasta with the fork. I jokingly asked her if she was having trouble, and we made some small talk. The dinner was fun, thats when I first met this group of girls. I knew Lindsey, and her friend Olivia, a very random and crazy girl, from my Grammer and Middle school, but the rest were all strangers to me. Thats where I met Sara, Heather, Becca, and Bre.

After that dance, I didnt see Sara again until March, when there another, but nonformal no-need-for-a-date dance. I went, and it was fun, but I have a moment, a single 4 second movie/image in my brain, of that night. I was dancing with some of the girls, and a few of their other friends, and one guy. I cannot remember the song, but i remember, for some reason, just turning around and looking behind me. Thats when I saw her, for the second time. I remember a flicker of lights, and then, its unexplainable, but... she was so awesomely beautiful. She just exploded into my eyes, as if I had just seen the most unimaginable thing in my life. that lasted for 4 seconds, and I turned around to stop staring. I felt my blood rush, and my heart was pounding. I remember later trying to dance by her and stuff, didnt work out alot, but no matter. At the end of the dance, suprisingly, she asked for my AIM screen name, and I gave it to her. We talked until 2 am that night, and I felt so awesome.

I saw her at the April dance, there I danced with her alot more. She had found out, from me, that I liked one of the girls in the group, and she really wanted to know. Ofcoarse it was her, but I wouldnt tell her. Later after that dance, i told her it who it was, and she seemed happy. But for some reason, I think she was just flattered, and that she didnt like me back. That was the last dance of the year.

Then in May, she had a pool party, and thats where I met her ex-boyfriend and very VERY close friend... Kyle. He lives within biking distance of her, hangs with her almost every day, and rides to and from school with her in the car everyday of school. They had been going out on and of since 6th grade, which is 4 years. They have known each other for longer than that too. Immediately I felt he was some type of competition, but I didnt let some kind of stupid jealousy take over me. I found out he was pretty cool, and nice guy. But, he's a swimmer, so he's very strong. That kinda killed me. I workout every day, with limited tools to do so, maybe about 3 hours a day, and he pretty much matches me everywhere for swimming everyday for an hour plus an almost-6-pack, while I have just muscle.

ANYWAY, to the main story... forgive me for the long introduction, but I felt you had to know everything. I went to becca's house, and there was Olivia, Becca (obviously), Bre, Scotti Beth, Chantel, and Sara. Scotti Beth is a sweet and awesome girl, really good freinds with Sara and Chrissy. Chantel is friends with them all, I just had never met her before. Shes pretty cool. We hung out maybe 30 minutes and then went to the pool. There, the same pool kyle works at as a lifeguard every few days a week, was Kyle. Then came Chrissy soon afterwards. Chrissy is a VERy nice girls and shes very cool, and funny.

I found out 3 weeks ago that Sara still liked Kyle, and it was obvious Kyle liked Sara, this really killed me inside. But I didnt let it show. He flirted with her a bit, and I didnt intervine. She was always next to him. While in the pool, once and a while, she was ontop of him piggy-back style, her arms around him. It was so obvious she liked him.

I couldnt do anything about it, so i tried to just not watch. Later we went back to becca's and hung out. It was fun and all, and some cool things happened. But what really got me was when I looked around the room and I saw everyone was there EXCEPT Kyle and Sara. So i simpley asked "where'd they go?" Answer: on the trampoline. Immediately I thought "oh, cool, a trampoline!" so I went to the back and looked out the window. It was a one sided mirror, so i couldnt see outside, so i leaned against the mirror and cupped my hands, and looked outside at the trampoline. I didnt see anyone. So i went back and said I didnt see them. They said they were on it. I looked again and say their socks... they were lying down, I guess looking at the stars. Then I realized that they could see me the entire time I felt like such an idiot... They probably saw me going up to the window TWICE and looking at them, as if Im some adult checking up on them. I felt really embarassed. But even worse, the thought came to me: they are probably making out.

This thought simpley made me go into happy mode into depressed mode. I didnt show it till I got home, but I was deeply depressed. And what is wierd is... Im usually happy. One person said I was too happy at times. So this was wierd. But alas, it really sucked. Shes the only girl ive REALLY liked, and she doesnt like me back. Added to that, she likes someone else, and is probably making out with him within 20 feet of me. This girl has been making me go crazy for months. I'd do anything for her. Shes so perfect imo.

She changed my entire views on everything: She has made me believe in Love at First Sight, in Fate, and in destiny. She has turned my world upside down on some things, and shes the person who made me listen to rock, whcih is now my favorite genre of music of all time.

I just wished she liked me, but she doesnt, and I dont know what to do. And the oddest things of all of this is... a week ago we were talking about it... she said you cannot ontrol your emotions and thats its ok that i like her, she doesnt like me, but I shouldnt feel bad by me liking her. She sent me this message:

[screenname removed]: well ill promise you this....dont tell anyone but i do promise that when im sixteen && can acctually start going out on dates if you still like me even just a little u can ask me out i know thta doesnt really do much for u now but its all i can really do right now

Why she told me this, i dont know. She said i could ask her out, but that doesnt mean she will say yes. I just dont know what to do. I still love her, but all of this... has made me knowing her more hell than heaven.